It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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