thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
