I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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