whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize