i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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