did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
