no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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