There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
