Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize