ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
