Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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