you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize