He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
