One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
