Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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