He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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