You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
