youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
