I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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