What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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