Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
