hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
