I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
