yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
