Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
