I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize