I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
