Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
