just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
