apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm passing your future prison.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
