so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
