Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
