How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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