Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
