I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
