Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
