apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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