We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
