I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
