remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
