Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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