i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
