You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
