I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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