I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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