I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
