You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I enjoy the company of your penis
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
