I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Vodka?
Forever.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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