new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
