Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
