I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't deserve a penis
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
