i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
