After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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