You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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