can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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