I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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