I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
