i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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