I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
NoShamevember. You game?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
