Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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