I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
