Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
