Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
soo... how was my night?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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