trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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