she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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