His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
