my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
operation have a gay friend backfired
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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