Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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