your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You can't motorboat a personality
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
