thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
