eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
