how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
