Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
