My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
