Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
