Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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