He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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