he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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