I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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