It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
