Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
