Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
two words...techno handjob
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
