turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
