I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
