when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So much rum. So many feels.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
