i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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