I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
