we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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