I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
