Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
