She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
